Why Leaving Is the Most Dangerous Moment
Statistics consistently show that the period immediately after leaving an abusive relationship carries the highest risk of serious harm. Abusers often escalate when they feel they are losing control. Planning your departure carefully and building safety layers before and after you leave is not an overreaction — it is essential protection.
Secure Your Home First
- Change all locks immediately. If your abuser has ever had a key, assume they have a copy. Rekey or replace every exterior lock the day you establish a new living situation.
- Install a video doorbell. A doorbell camera creates a record of anyone approaching your home and can deter contact attempts.
- Tell trusted neighbors. Let one or two neighbors you trust know what is happening. Ask them to call police if they see your former partner near your home.
- Consider a security system. A monitored system with a panic button gives you an immediate response option if someone attempts to enter.
Lock Down Your Digital Life
- Change every password. Start with email, then banking, then social media. Use a password manager to generate strong unique passwords for each account.
- Check your devices for tracking software. Stalkerware can be installed on a phone in under a minute with physical access. If you suspect monitoring, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for guidance on safely checking your device without alerting the abuser.
- Disable location sharing. Check every app on your phone — Find My Friends, Google Maps sharing, Snapchat location, Life360. Disable all of them.
- Create a new email account on a device your former partner has never touched, for communications with attorneys, shelters, and support services.
- Review your social media privacy settings. Set profiles to private and remove mutual connections who may share your location or activity.
Legal and Financial Protections
File for a protective order through your local courthouse. This is a civil legal process and does not require a police report to initiate. Many courthouses have victim advocates who can walk you through the paperwork at no cost.
Open a new bank account at a different institution than any accounts your former partner knows about. Direct your paycheck or benefits to the new account immediately.
Build Your Safety Network
Identify three people you can contact in an emergency. Share your safety plan with them. Establish a check-in system — a daily text or call — so someone always knows you are safe. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can also help you develop a personalized safety plan at no cost.