Digital & Home Security During Separation or Divorce

Updated March 2026 · Silent Security Research Team

Important: If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For domestic violence resources, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (available 24/7). This guide is for general security planning — not a substitute for legal advice.

Separation and divorce are among the most vulnerable times for personal security. Shared passwords, joint smart home devices, location-sharing apps, and mutual access to accounts can all become tools for monitoring or harassment. This guide walks you through every layer — physical, digital, and financial.

Phase 1: Physical Security (Do These First)

Change Your Locks Immediately

Even if your spouse still has a legal right to the property, changing the locks (with an attorney's guidance) is critical. Use a deadbolt with a Grade 1 ANSI rating. Consider a smart lock so you can give/revoke digital key access without re-keying. If you have a garage, change that keypad code too — most people forget it.

Audit Shared Smart Home Devices

Ring, Nest, Wyze, SimpliSafe, August — any shared home security account can show exactly when you come and go, who visits, and even listen in. Log in to each device's app and remove the other person from the account or transfer ownership. If you can't, factory-reset the device and set it up fresh under your own account.

Check for GPS Trackers on Your Vehicle

A small GPS tracker can be magnetically attached under your car in seconds and costs under $30. Check wheel wells, under the bumper, under the chassis near the spare tire, and inside the OBD-II port (under the dashboard, driver's side). If you find one, do not remove it immediately — consult an attorney first, as this may be evidence.

Secure Your Mail

Set up mail forwarding with USPS to a PO Box or trusted friend's address. This prevents important legal documents, credit card statements, or court notices from being intercepted. Consider a locked mailbox for the home address.

Phase 2: Digital Account Security

Think of it this way: Every app you signed in to together is like a spare key you handed out. You need to get all those keys back — or change the lock the key fits.

Change passwords on ALL personal email accounts (Gmail, Outlook, iCloud)
Change Apple ID / Google Account password — this controls your phone, photos, location
Disable Family Sharing / Google Family Link if it was set up together
Turn off "Share My Location" in Apple Find My / Google Maps sharing
Review which apps have location access on your phone (Settings → Privacy → Location)
Sign out of all devices on Netflix, Hulu, Disney+ — check "Manage Access"
Change passwords for banking and financial accounts
Remove authorized users from credit card accounts
Check your phone plan — if on a shared plan, a carrier account holder can often see call logs
Change passwords for social media accounts (Facebook, Instagram, X/Twitter)
Change the WiFi password at home — any device on your network can monitor traffic
Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) on all accounts with your personal phone number, not a shared one

Phase 3: Check for Stalkerware

Stalkerware is software installed on your phone without your knowledge. It can record calls, read messages, track location, and access photos — all without showing up in the normal app list.

Signs Your Phone May Be Compromised

Battery drains unusually fast. Phone is warm even when idle. Data usage spikes. Phone is slow. The other person seems to know private conversations.

How to Check (iPhone)

Go to Settings → Privacy & Security → Location Services. Check which apps have "Always" access. Review Screen Time if enabled by someone else. Consider doing a full iPhone restore.

How to Check (Android)

Settings → Apps → See All Apps → look for unfamiliar apps. Check Settings → Battery → Battery Usage. Enable Google Play Protect scans. The safest fix is a factory reset.

Free Resources

The CISA (cisa.gov — search "stalkerware") and the Coalition Against Stalkerware (stopstalkerware.org) have step-by-step help.

Phase 4: Financial & Identity Protection

Place a free credit freeze at all 3 bureaus: Equifax, Experian, TransUnion — prevents new accounts being opened in your name
Set up fraud alerts with at least one bureau
Change beneficiary designations on life insurance, 401k, and retirement accounts
Open a new bank account at a different institution in your name only
Get your own PO Box for sensitive mail going forward
Update your address with the IRS, Social Security Administration, and voter registration

If You Have Children

Family tracking apps (Life360, Google Family, Apple Family Sharing) were likely set up to monitor your kids — but they also show your location. Work with your attorney to establish clear boundaries for location sharing of minors. Do not unilaterally disable child tracking without legal guidance.

You are not alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) has a "Tech Safety" team specializing in exactly these digital security issues. They can help you make a safety plan that accounts for technology.