Tech-Enabled Abuse: How Abusers Use Technology to Control

What Is Tech-Enabled Abuse?

Tech-enabled abuse is the use of technology to monitor, control, harass, or intimidate another person. It is not a separate category of abuse — it is an extension of the same power and control dynamics that define domestic violence and coercive control, carried out through digital tools.

An abuser does not need to be a skilled hacker. Most tech-enabled abuse relies on everyday consumer technology: smartphones, social media accounts, shared cloud services, smart home devices, and inexpensive GPS trackers. The abuser may have set up these tools during the relationship, when access was freely given, and then weaponized them when the dynamic shifted — or after the victim tried to leave.

If someone is using technology to track your location, read your messages, control your home environment, or make you feel watched, that is abuse. It is not a grey area, and it is not something you have to accept.

Common Forms of Tech-Enabled Abuse

Technology abuse takes many forms. Understanding them is the first step toward protecting yourself.

Spyware and Stalkerware

Stalkerware is software secretly installed on a phone or computer that allows another person to monitor calls, texts, emails, photos, browsing history, and real-time location. These apps are designed to be invisible — they hide from the app drawer and run silently in the background. Some commercial stalkerware products are marketed directly to jealous partners, making them disturbingly easy to obtain and install. A few minutes of physical access to an unlocked phone is often all it takes.

Location Tracking Abuse

Abusers exploit legitimate location-sharing features — such as Find My iPhone, Google Maps sharing, or family tracking apps — to monitor a partner's movements in real time. What may have started as a mutual safety feature becomes a surveillance tool. The victim may not realize sharing is still active, or may feel unable to turn it off without triggering a confrontation.

Smart Home Device Abuse

Smart thermostats, locks, cameras, lights, speakers, and doorbells can all be controlled remotely through apps. An abuser who retains access to these accounts can lock someone out of their own home, watch them through cameras, listen through smart speakers, change the temperature to cause discomfort, or flash lights on and off to create fear — all from miles away. Victims often describe feeling like they are losing their minds before realizing the devices are being manipulated.

Account Takeover

When an abuser knows your passwords — or has access to your email and can reset them — they can lock you out of your own accounts: banking, social media, cloud storage, even your phone's primary account. This cuts off communication, isolates you from your support network, and can cause serious financial harm. Shared accounts created during a relationship are particularly vulnerable.

Image-Based Abuse

Threatening to share or actually sharing intimate images without consent is a form of abuse used to humiliate, silence, and control. An abuser may use these images as leverage to prevent a partner from leaving or reporting other abuse. This is sometimes called "revenge porn," but that term is misleading — it is not revenge, and it is not pornography. It is abuse.

Social Media Monitoring and Harassment

Abusers may obsessively monitor a victim's social media activity, demand access to accounts, create fake profiles to watch or contact the victim, or use public posts to track their location and social connections. After separation, social media can become a channel for continued harassment, smear campaigns, and intimidation through mutual contacts.

AirTag, Tile, and GPS Tracker Misuse

Small, inexpensive Bluetooth and GPS trackers can be hidden in a bag, slipped into a coat pocket, or attached to the underside of a car. These devices allow an abuser to track a victim's location continuously without their knowledge. While Apple has introduced alerts for unknown AirTags, detection is not foolproof — especially for non-Apple trackers or dedicated GPS devices that operate on cellular networks.

How to Detect Spyware on Your Phone

Spyware is designed to stay hidden, but it often leaves traces. Watch for these indicators:

• Battery drain: Spyware runs constantly in the background, consuming power. A sudden, unexplained drop in battery life is one of the most common signs.
• Data usage spikes: Stalkerware transmits your data to the abuser. Check your cellular data usage for apps or processes consuming unusual amounts.
• Overheating: A phone that feels hot when idle may be running hidden processes.
• Unfamiliar apps: On Android, review your full app list under Settings, including system apps. On iPhone, look for unfamiliar configuration profiles under Settings > General > VPN & Device Management.
• Unexplained behavior: The phone turns on by itself, makes sounds during calls, or takes longer than usual to shut down.

Important: If you suspect spyware, do not immediately delete it. Removal may alert the abuser and could escalate the situation. Contact a domestic violence advocate or the NNEDV Safety Net project first to develop a safe response plan.

How to Detect Hidden Trackers

If you suspect someone has placed a physical tracker on your belongings or vehicle, take these steps:

• Check your phone for alerts: iPhones will notify you if an unknown AirTag is traveling with you. Android devices (6.0+) now have built-in unknown tracker detection that alerts you automatically.
• Physically search your belongings: Check bag linings, coat pockets, car glove compartments, under seats, inside the trunk, and in wheel wells. Trackers are small — some are no larger than a coin.
• Listen for sounds: AirTags separated from their owner for an extended period will emit a chirping sound, though this may be disabled by the abuser.
• Use a Bluetooth scanner app: Apps like LightBlue or BLE Scanner can detect nearby Bluetooth devices and may reveal hidden trackers broadcasting a signal.

If you find a tracker, photograph it and document where it was placed before deciding whether to remove it. Consider filing a police report — planting a tracker on someone without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions.

Steps to Secure Your Devices

If you are experiencing tech-enabled abuse or preparing to leave an abusive situation, these steps can help you regain control of your digital life. Work with an advocate whenever possible — they can help you prioritize actions and avoid steps that might escalate danger.

• Change passwords on a safe device: Update passwords for email, social media, banking, and cloud accounts from a device your abuser does not have access to — such as a trusted friend's phone or a library computer.
• Enable two-factor authentication: Use an authenticator app rather than SMS codes, as an abuser with access to your phone number could intercept text messages.
• Review connected devices and active sessions: Most email and social media platforms let you see which devices are logged in. Revoke access from any device you do not recognize.
• Turn off location sharing: Check Find My iPhone, Google Maps, and any family tracking apps. Disable sharing with anyone who should not have access to your location.
• Review app permissions: Go through your phone's app permissions and revoke location, microphone, and camera access from apps that do not need them.
• Consider a factory reset: If you suspect stalkerware, a full factory reset is the most reliable way to remove it. Back up essential data first and reinstall apps manually — do not restore from a backup that may contain the spyware.
• Get a new phone or number if necessary: In some cases, starting fresh with a new device and phone number may be the safest option. A domestic violence advocate can help you access resources for this.

Getting Help

You do not have to navigate tech-enabled abuse alone. Specialized resources exist to help you understand what is happening and take back control safely.

NNEDV Safety Net Project

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) runs the Safety Net project, which focuses specifically on technology, privacy, and safety for survivors. Their website at techsafety.org provides guides on securing devices, understanding stalkerware, and working with law enforcement. They also train advocates and law enforcement on tech-enabled abuse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). Trained advocates can help you assess your situation, create a safety plan, and connect you with local resources — including tech safety specialists. If you are not ready to leave, they can still help. There is no pressure and no judgment.

Law Enforcement

Many forms of tech-enabled abuse are illegal, including installing stalkerware, planting trackers, and distributing intimate images without consent. If you choose to involve law enforcement, document everything you can — screenshots, tracker photos, records of smart home manipulation — and consider requesting an officer trained in domestic violence or cyberstalking.